Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
ugly people sure do ruin things
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
