great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
