If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
