non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
