Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
