My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
