this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
