Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize