I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
