p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I cut my penus on the lid.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
