Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize