Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
