I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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