Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
