I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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