My Higher Power is John Stamos
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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