i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
