Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
