i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Houston, we have a blender
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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