Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
