I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
