That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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