So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
