She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize