we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
