I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
