This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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