DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
