dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
