So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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