he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
