A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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