The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
