it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
