idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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