I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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