Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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