my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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