well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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