how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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