i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
