She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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