You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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