Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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