How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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