I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
