Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
