I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
