dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
