let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
