great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
