She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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