Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
