there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
pop tarts are not kleenex
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
