you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
