your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So vagazzling was a success
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