You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
