Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
