What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
