So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
