At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
