And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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