Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
