im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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