STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
