I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just invented taco cereal.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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