Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
