hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
