So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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