I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
