I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
