Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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