remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
