If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize