Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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