So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize