Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
