Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
