She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm just crazy horny about you
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
