"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
