i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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