I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
