so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
