Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
