why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
