It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
